Be Weird

Bear with me while I share a quick story.

While sitting beside my new cold water spot, taking some quality breaths before getting in, a man walked onto the bridge just upstream and sat down to enjoy the river in his own way. The way an elderly man out for a leisurely stroll does.

Immediately I went all philosophical and deep, thinking how incredible it is that we've both led completely individual lives that led to both of us ending up at this exact 50 meter stretch of water just to enjoy it. Cool thought hey? Didn't last long....

Mere seconds after that insight, one of the biggest challenges I deal with from time to time kicked in. I doubted myself and wanted to play it small. I entertained the idea of just leaving, not wanting to "cause a scene", take away from the old man's enjoyment of the peaceful spot, or be the "centre of attention". I envisioned stories of being tagged the "weird dude", or somebody who "wants attention". When I notice that kind of self talk going on, I feel more like a frightened little kid, then the man I am 99% of the time.

At one point I actually slipped my shoes back on, and grabbed my towel from the rock beside me with the full intention to leave. Maybe that's all I needed. The movement of standing up; because it was a clear decision point where seemingly without thinking, I kicked the shoes off, dropped the towel, took off my dry robe (best investment ever by the way) and got in. As usual, the cold stole my first breath, but I got it back immediately and then just enjoyed the river in my way for the next five minutes.

The way a guy who loves cold plunges does in a freezing cold river in January.

Up to his neck and breathing calmly.

You know....

The weird way. 

So what's the take away? Fuck it, BE WEIRD. Quit playing small! Had I listened to the shitty self talk I would have sulked home. Full of regret and disappointment. I wouldn't have felt amazing after. I wouldn't have had a fantastic work out after, and I wouldn't be enjoying the pride in myself for not letting that shitty self talk drive the ship. 

I've come a long way when it comes to that self doubt. To be honest it rarely shows up anymore, but sometimes all it takes is an audience and it's right where it used to be. 

In my opinion that's the best part about putting in some legitimate self work, there's always more to do and explore. When old demons pop up, not only do you know how to deal with them, but sometimes the work you've put in just seems to take over (like in my experience today), and before you know it you're already past the obstacle and living how YOU want to.

Play with the question of "where do you play small", and let me know how it is for you. What "weird" things do you do? Have you had a similar experience?