You Good?

“I’m good thanks”.....nope, not even close. ⠀

I took this picture of Mati almost 4 years ago after a friend from the first men’s group I was a part of gave me this advice: “The next time someone asks you how you’re doing......tell them”.

I didn’t need to go into the details of how my marriage was all but over, Mati had almost died (x2), my peers might think I’m milking med leave, I’m sleeping on a shitty hospital couch, and I’m attempting to train a police dog in the parking lot whenever Mati slept. Just say what I’m actually feeling at that moment. What a weird concept...

Later, I replied to a nurse’s greeting with “honestly I’m pretty spent, kind of have this sick feeling in my gut”. I felt an incredible weight drop away, and it resulted in a wonderful conversation and friendship with a nurse who also happened to be having a pretty shitty day herself. ⠀

Moral of the story: QUIT MUTING YOURSELF. Not just when your day/life is in shambles, but also when you’re riding high. Celebrate that! You do others, and yourself a disservice when you continuously mute yourself. My friend was right, you don’t have to go into a 5 minute stew of words to answer “how’s it going?”, but be honest, speak some truth, and communicate what you’re actually feeling. 

First responders, if the words “feeling” and “truth” didn’t scare you and you’re still reading, THIS IS IMPORTANT. Take your emotional equivalent to soft body armour off for a fucking second and let other people in. We mute ourselves at work in order to control situations all the time (that ability is essentially one of our biggest strengths), but when you’re with friends, playing with your kids, or on a date with your partner don’t let that strength become your biggest weakness.

It will drag you down until you, and those closest to you don’t have a damn clue as to how you’re actually feeling.

That’s where I found myself, disconnected and emotionless despite major life stressors going on, all while still thinking that I was doing “pretty good”. Sound familiar? Been there? 

I attribute my successful navigation of this time in life from having already significantly invested in myself. I had an incredibly valuable and supportive group of men to lean on from my experience in a mens work course that The Nine8 is now based off. I had worked on and developed some foundational self development and wellness skills, that combined with the support like I experienced from the friend mentioned earlier, I managed to keep my head above water during the biggest storm of my life. 

Our approach to health and wellness cannot be a bandaid. I challenge you to think of it like wearing a life jacket. When life throws your ass out of the boat, you will never regret having that on while attempting to make your way back to shore.

I hope you already have your foundation. If you want to strengthen it, join the Nine8, or dive into a coaching package. Hell if my stuff doesn't resonate with you, let me know and I'll put you in contact with many other mentors and coaches who just might. As long as you're working on you, I'm happy.

Hopefully none of us ever need that life jacket; but if you do, you will be glad that you took a proactive approach and put it on. 

**(this was modified from an old Instagram post of mine. In an effort to get off of social media long term, I will cross post here on occasion to save the ones that I believe are meaningful)**